I’m worried, I’m starting to actually like you.
I’m such a clown :(( I should stop joking.

how do I subtly tell you I like you?

All these emotions. How do I put these into words?

I wish I was articulate enough to be able to express what I feel and convert them into words.

I have moved on, I don’t know how and why you appeared in my dreams. You’re ruining the happiness I’m slowly feeling. Please…

I was totally fine before I knew you.

Then you came, tested my waters and left me with disturbed currents.

You left. Now, I’m never the same.

Please, restore me.

I want the old me back.

The me who never met you.

Please.

Can I just please shut myself out from the world? Let me just hug all these insecurities until they’re fixed.

It was wrong to believe that your family will always lift you up. Sometimes they’re the ones who would drag you down and unkowingly throw you off the abyss.

In the end, all you’ll ever really have is Jesus and yourself.

The hoodie you gave always reminds me of that rainy night. Tiny droplets of rain falling, your hair slowly getting wet, I put my hands above your head to cover you. It didn’t do much, but I guess you liked it, I liked it too.

You wanted to talk to me more and believe me, I also did. But I was shy and afraid– afraid of a lot of things.

Really, if it hadn’t rained, we could’ve went to a lot of places on your pink scooter. But maybe that was divine intervention, God knows how fragile I am, how easily I give in to my emotions.

I wanted to plant a kiss on your cheek and hug you tightly and for you to kiss me on my forehead before you drop me off and go back to your quarter, but gooodd that sounds so wrong. We’re not even in a relationship. In fact, I’m too confused about us.

You alone labeled what we have as “fling”, that freaking hurts, but ’twas true though. Come to think of it, you never actually asked me to be your girlfriend yet you send me iloveyous. I really wanted to ask you why, but my pride’s too big, I’m the girl here, I do not want to sound so desperate.

Weeks passed after that night, our conversation’s getting cold, your replies shorter, your good mornings and good nights more seldom, I was left wondering where have I gone wrong? You do not flood me with messages anymore. You do not ask me where I am nor do you give updates about your whereabouts. You no longer wonder why I’ve seenzoned your message.

I purposely initiate little fights because I wanted you to care, I wanted your attention, I wanted your “langi”. But all I ever received were a bunch of empty sorrys.

Maybe you got tired of me. Maybe you found someone better– someone smarter, someone beautiful unlike me, someone who makes you smile more often and gives you what you want. These thoughts hurts.

I remember you saying you’re doing your best for me, “Naningkamot man gane ta nimo.”, man that made me feel so fucking special. I believed your “Di lage taka pahilakon.”, and look at me now, crying while writing this.

I thought you were sincere. Maybe you were? But your feelings just happened to slowly fade and vanish.

But, to be fair, I’m a boring person, unattractive and maybe I’m really just not loveable enough, I may lack a lot of qualities that is able to keep a person. I kinda hate me now.

You took all my insecurities away and suddenly gave them all back twice the amount.

I got too excited and too attached, I jumped without my parachute, and now look where I ended up.

Risking a lot of things for a relationship you’re not sure what’s called, investing too much emotions on a person, I broke my own rules.

Your scent on this hoodie is slowly fading and so does this thing that we have, maybe I should start to let go of what I feel? There’s no use clinging if I’m the only one left.

Thank you, I ain’t ready for a next.

One by one, I began to enumerate your flaws, in the hopes that this fragile heart might unwant you.

But why is it that the more imperfections I count, the more I want to care for you? The closer I reach to infinity, the more I fall?

Unfair, because I know once you begin to enumerate mine, you’ll lose interest, you’ll end up unwanting me.